The Ugly

Trigger Warning: This is a deep, heavy, and honest episode that may not be suitable for everyone including dark themes, politics, and autistic life struggle. Please proceed intentionally and do your own thinking as required. If you don’t have the ability to listen with an open mind please don’t!

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Show Notes

In this episode, Nicnac drops as much of the mask as they can muster and just tries to deal with it in hopes of coming out the other side. 

Credits

The music is Raindrop Rahspody by Josh Elkinberry, The Fools Guide by Anthony Rotunno and, of course, Catch Me If You Can by Attica Attica

If you enjoy this music please support these independent artists by buying their work or making donations!

The Nicnac Podcast & FSRideAlong Series is © 2006-2021 by Nicnac Marsh and is released under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 4.0 International License

Going Around Again

Trigger Warning: This is a deep, heavy, and honest episode that may not be suitable for everyone including dark themes, politics, and autistic life struggle. Please proceed intentionally and do your own thinking as required. If you don’t have the ability to listen with an open mind please skip this one!

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Autistic Education Survey

Show Notes

In this episode, Nicnac wrestles with the reality of their internal world and how that impacts the way they see the external world after losing a social connection they had a lot of hope for earlier in the month. While they know that attempts at sharing their internal world rarely go well no matter the social context, they hold steadfast in their desire to embrace their authentic autistic and borderline self. 

They express hope that careful online communities can continue to find the kind of lived truths that medicine and science can’t. Feeling that, although life for anyone not rich white and male is difficult, it’s better to intellectually and emotionally battle oppression than to completely withdraw and mask. Nicnac ain’t down yet. But, they’ve more than had it with a world that is hell-bent on oppressing divergent thoughts.

They close by again encouraging others with lived autistic experience to take Detester Maginzine’s educational survey if they have the capacity to do so. They are putting as much as they can into listening to others with greater or different knowledge of the lived experience than they possess. Please see the links below so you don’t have to take their word for it.

Donate To Support Nicnac

Nicnac Podcast: Telling Our Stories-Interview with Suzanna Chen of Detester Magazine

Autistic Education Survey

Detester Magazine

Learn From Autistics

Autistamatic YouTube Channel

Autistic Collaboration

Sarah Kurchak

Credits

The music is Catch Me If You Can by Attica Attica. Find them at atticaattica.bandcamp.com.
The Nicnac Podcast & FSRideAlong Series is © 2006-2021 by Nicnac Marsh and is released under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 4.0 International License

Learn By Doing

In this episode Nicnac traces how they came into podcasting and attempts to convey what they are aspiring towards along with how their own experiences and limitations have shaped their work. Nicnac is excited about the process of taking their work to the next level and thankful for all who have contributed to the craft and taught it to them. Having a podcast that combines Nicnac’s unique interests, strife and limitations is interesting. It seems to work almost despite itself. Nicnac hopes you will continue to join them on this journey wherever it may lead. 

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Credits

The opening music is Raindrop Rhapsody by Josh Eikenberry. 

The closing music is Catch Me If You Can by Attica Attica. Find them at atticaattica.bandcamp.com.

The Nicnac Podcast & FSRideAlong Series is © 2006-2021 by Nicnac Marsh and is released under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 4.0 International License

Shelter From The Storm

This episode finds Nicolas living in a very confused mixed reality surrounded by technology in an effort to obscure their own vulnerability to shelter issues. Still haunted by their brief experience with being shelterless half a decade ago, Nicolas attempts to process their feelings about the eviction of shelterless camps in Chico and Los Angeles and the limited paths to resolution. While taking the legal approach to challenging these evictions is the most viable it requires a massive amount of funding and is a long term approach. And, in the short term, direct action is unsustainable without mass. And, with a divided and desperate population mass appeal seems hard to come by.

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Camaraderie II (Blog Post)

Some Truth (as I see it): 

Recent times have been very hard on all compassionate sensitive humans.

Democratic Procedure is a crappy way of trying to address our current moment that tries to get at the social issue of consent but utterly fails leading to more divisiveness and resentment…Which, kind of undermines the whole thing… 

I want to really delve into The Social Contract that modern demcoratic procedure is based on at some point in a future. For now, though, I think delving into some of the thinking behind The Serenity Prayer might be more useful. It has a decent notion that I’ve found most worthy of consideration in this moment.  Quoted as follows: 

“Father, give us courage to change what must be altered, serenity to accept what cannot be helped, and the insight to know the one from the other.”

I see the prayer, especially as it was originally written, as a request for wisdom in choosing how to utilize one’s resources. Be that time, money, space for relationships or political engagement. That is a very valid request that I feel we should all be making to whatever or whoever wields the power to grant it. Being agnostic, I’d like to believe that I can put that request out into the universe and that it might matter on some level to someone or something. But, ultimately, for me,  I know I am the one that will have to grant that request for myself. 

So what do I need the courage to alter? What do I need to realize must be let go? How do I tell? Therapists have been trying to guide me on this for years with no success. I stubbornly believe that despite my unending struggle with it, my connection to others will be my salvation while on Earth. I cannot change this. I don’t want to change this. So, I shall accept it as my Everest. 

In this moment, the foothills of my Everest are working with my comrades. Maybe we can’t change the democratic process or capitalism or really work on finding a way to have consent in its truest sense. Only time will tell. But we are comrades because we don’t buy that changing the world for the better is impossible. We aren’t willing to settle for half measures and negotiations. We want better. The struggle for better becomes our source of esteem. Our ideas and visions for better are usually quite principled and well defined. A truly awesome thing relative to many who walk around with vague notions of an eventual betterment that may one day be reached.

But, in having such principled passionate knowledge wrapped up in our esteem we face a real challenge. Namly, others. So how do you hold space to talk, consent and take action? How do you organize. How do you do what every human group on Earth has failed to do thus far? 

It starts with talking. Expressing desires. Expressing the limits of your consent. Informing others of your needs. Listening and respecting their needs. 

It’s truly herculean. I don’t and have not done it well. I continue to try. Keeping in mind the notion of The Serenity Prayer.  

I have a lot to learn. I have a lot of work to do. We have a lot to learn. We have a lot of work to do. 

Let’s do it!

Triage

In this episode Nicolas discusses trying to triage meeting the current demands of their life loosely informed by their understanding of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs and The Wellness Recovery Action Plan. The former has proven to be more helpful as Nicolas works though their survival needs in hopes of being able to spend more time on meeting esteem needs.

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Frozen In Fear And Unproductivity

In this episode Nicolas talks about the psychological impacts they are facing after several months in almost perfect quarantine. Nicolas puts a particular focus on their addictions (flight sim, soda and cigarettes) and how being in quarantine makes fighting these addictions particularly challenging. Lastly, Nicolas laments their lack of active activism and debates attending a 4th of July gathering.

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Shut Up Now

I want to say something. But I don’t know what to say. I want to do something. But I don’t know what to do. I want to leverage what privilege I have. But I don’t know how. And, truth be told, in all this good intention the end result doesn’t amount to a hill of beans. For, being a white person of privilege who appears male. My voice is not one to be heard in this time and place. I should be silent. I should yield. Not self indulge in my precious feelings of gold. Yet here I indulge again. Here I feel a righteous anger that I should have known all along. I shall not forage the path ahead. That is for others. For I cannot comprehend a path when all I have taken all I have known. Lead to the very same place. The podium of an out of touch silver tongued politician bent on the law of obstruction. That is not a path to take. So shut up now. Take a seat. Listen and listen well to those in the know.